Nnoitra's Regret
by Ambrion
Summary: He is dying, but as he falls he looks into eyes that have history behind them. 'I"m sorry'


A/N I actually managed to get a one shot in, though I feel some what guilty for not finishing my other story yet. I am stuck on that one but have fun with this :)!

I do not own BLEACH

I knew I was going to die, and die with regret. I had professed to hate her, yet in my last moments alive my eyes bored into hers. She was in child form, and a form I had forced her into. Suddenly I wished I hadn't, I wished I could see the one I really loved for the last time, but I supposed this would have to do, because it was all I would receive. It was okay because in the end it was her. Nelliel tu Odelshwanck how did it come to this?

We watched as each of us was created by the Lord of Hueco Mundo. She watched me be born and from that moment I just knew she was my one. Her green hair and sand colored eyes were locked into memory. She seemed to study me the same as I did her. At first nothing went wrong, it was perfect, truly amazing. It was a love that burned so deep in me. She was the one for me, and I would never believe different. If I could not have Nelliel, I didn't want anyone.

She was on top of me as I looked into her eyes and thought nothing could be better. I was making love with the one person in the world that mattered. I didn't care if later I died because Lord Aizen wanted it to happen, as long as Nell was with me. I wanted her forever.

Her nails dug into my shoulder and she panted, "Nnoitra!" I shivered when she did that each time; I couldn't help it. I was glad I was pleasing her and that I was the only one that ever did so. I loved her.

I lifted her up, kissing her all the while. I turned her over where her back was to me and entered her from behind, and began pushing into her in a gentle manner; I lay on top of her lacing my hands through hers that were pressed against in the bed.

"Umm…Oh kami….Nell, I love you," I said in her ear and this time she shivered.

"I love yo- Oh god! Yes!"

I smiled brightly. I could feel the heat and sweat between us. I bit down on her neck, tasting salt. I could feel my climax coming so I rammed harder into her. I loved hearing her beg for me and calling out my name. Hearing her voice made me climax faster, and I could feel that she did as I did. When we were done, I rolled off of her, and she turned over panting. She wasn't the only one doing so. We looked into each others' eyes smiling. I pushed a piece of hair in her face behind her ear.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

I kissed her softly.

'I never want this to end,' I thought so happily, so in love.

I never though it would end. I felt so much power in our love that it was truly amazing that this world could really have so much hate in it when there was love like this. I loved looking in her eyes; I loved walking down the white halls of Los Noches, our hand intertwined in the others. There could never be anything better than this. This was perfect; this was love. Unfortunately it did end. It ended bitterly, and now I know I can never fix my mistakes. It was done, because I was dying.

Nell had been given an assignment in the human world, and I was concerned. We were never without the other, and though she out-ranked me in power I still worried for her safety. When I talked to her about my concern, she broke the spell I had been in with anger.

"Come on, Nnoitra, I am the third Espada, you most certainly have nothing to worry about with me; I am powerful after all. I even out-rank you. How could any human do anything to me? I am just going to observe some kid that Lord Aizen has been watching for awhile," she said sweetly, not realizing her mistake. I ignored it at first: she was more powerful than I, what right did I have in questioning that? However I didn't forget the comment she had made. It made me angry but I buried it; it was petty and childish to get uptight about something so trivial.

"Still, Nell, this is dangerous; there are Soul Reapers always watching."

She placed her hand on mine that sat on my leg and smiled at me.

"Nnoitra, I will be fine." She leaned in and gave me a quick kiss, "I love you."

"I love you too."

She got up and walked to the door, but, before she closed it behind her, she winked and smiled at me.

I gave a weak smile back.

Two days, Nell was gone for two days, and it felt like a decade. I wanted her back home, back in our room. I wanted her body with mine. I wanted to make sure she was okay. I was pacing in my room worrying when she came through the door. She threw her arms around me. "I missed you!"

I chuckled "I missed you too." I was relieved. She was safe, she was at home and she was in my arms.

I kissed her tenderly and told her I wanted to make love to her, and we did. Her cries were heard all night, and we fell asleep in each others arms.

Syazel came up to me one day asking questions that quite frankly pissed me off. He really didn't have a right.

"Does it make you feel like a bitch, you know, seeing as you are not as powerful?"

I glared at him, and replied coldly, "I don't know, do you feel like a bitch when Grimmjow makes you scream every night?"

Syazel, annoyingly, smiled. "Why yes it does, I have no issue with being Grimmjow's bitch."

I sighed, the scientist never got annoyed.

"Do you feel like you will always be pulling her back?"

That caught my attention.

"What?"

"Well do you feel as if you are holding her back?"

I didn't reply, remaining quiet. I had never thought that maybe I had been holding her back, or that maybe she felt embarrassed with being with such a weakling. I suddenly remembered the comment she had made before leaving. So from then on I trained every day twenty-four hours a day. I don't know how much time went by, but I hadn't paid attention to Nell in weeks, and that was my biggest mistake.

"Nnoitra…"

I didn't respond. I kept swinging my sword at the invisible target.

"Nnoitra!"

Nothing…

"Nnoitra!" she yelled blocking my sword with her own.

"What!" I snapped. Instantly I felt sorry because she became sad.

"I'm sorry, Nell, I just-"

She raised her hand to stop me. "We need to talk."

"Okay, what's up?"

"Nnoitra, for weeks you have not listened to a single thing I've said. For weeks you have ignored me and our bed chamber. You are never around anymore, and it is depressing. I've already told you four times that this was getting to me and you still didn't listen. I can't keep doing this. We don't have a relationship; we don't have anything because you are no longer present. I understand if you want some time away but for weeks at a time? Nnoitra, I'm sorry but I can't do this."

My heart sunk….what was she saying?

"What do you mean?"

"I mean we are done."

"But-"

"No, Nnoitra, it's too late."

She then walked away. I suppose at first I was shocked, or just didn't get it, or maybe I didn't believe her. Had I really been ignoring her? Had it really been that long? I shrugged it off and kept practicing thinking it was just one of the small tiffs we had and was sure that tonight she would be in our bed chamber waiting, however that was not the case. That's when it really came to me. She was gone, and I couldn't fool myself into believing otherwise. My room was empty of her stuff, empty of her. She was gone, and I didn't know what to do. What did I do? Nell…she couldn't have done this. Not really. No…our love was too strong; we loved each other too much.

'Nell…'

I couldn't sleep at night because she consumed my thoughts. My bed smelled of her. There was nothing I did that did not remind me of her; she was my everything. We had done everything together, and I could not escape the need to walk to her room and, yes, beg for forgiveness. It had been a week and she had not come back, so now I had to go to her.

"I'm sorry. But I can't, Nnoitra."

"Why? I promise I will be better."

I was standing in her doorway, she had not welcomed me in, and she only had it cracked so her face showed.

"Nnoitra…I'm sorry, but I'm with…I'm with Grimmjow now."

I stood there in shock for a moment before I understood why she had not welcomed me in; I understood why she cracked the door as she did. He was there. I clutched my fists and turned to walk away.

"Nnoitra don't do this."

I did. I walked away and didn't look back. How could she ask me not to walk away? Didn't she know that the whole reason for my training was to be better for her? I did it for her! And she did this…? Why, why would she do this? Why would she even move on this fast? We had been together for nearly a decade, and now she was with…him? There was no reasoning with me. I was fuming. And Grimmjow, that ass! He stole the one thing in my life that had ever truly mattered. The only thing to make me feel like I was anything but a monster, and one day I would kill him. I trained and trained; it was never-ending. I would make her see what she lost, and when I felt that I was ready, I asked for her to fight me. She would fight me, but when I said it was a fight to the death and told her to finish me she wouldn't. I wanted her to end my life, end my suffering. I wanted this to be done. Why? Why did she let me live? If it had been her blade I was dying by, I would have died a happy man. Not only that but she thought I was low, and I saw it in her eyes that she thought I was beneath her, and in her words. I claimed that she disgusted me, and that no woman should out-rank me; it wasn't the real reason, but I would never tell her that. When she beat me each time, I would get back up and go train. When seeing Grimmjow and her walking down the halls for the first time, I was so angry I could not be controlled. She looked sadly at me as the walls cracked at my power. All I could think about was her body on mine, her panting my name, and her begging. I knew that it was now Grimmjow's name and body she was responding with and too. I hated him, and I pulled out my blade to kill him then and there.

"Wanna go pretty boy?" Grimmjow had asked me. Hell yea I did.

"I will crush you; your body will lie coldly in her arms."

"Nnoitra, please…please don't. Grimm, come on," she said pulling him away. I didn't attack. I never could do something Nell asked me not to do. I hated her, hated her so much because I loved her so much that it was killing me. I wanted her gone, wanted her not to be there, not dead per say, though I said I did, just gone. I didn't want to hurt anymore each time I saw her. Seeing her and Grimmjow in the hall that day had been the final straw.

I had had it. It was time to pay Syazel a visit.

I banged on his door, and he opened it. He looked thinner and paler than normal. I had forgotten in my own selfish rage that Syazel had been Grimmjow's lover. I had never liked the creepy scientist but I thought that now was the time to fix that.

"I want her gone," I said looking at him, and I saw his smile lift.

"We finally agree on something; do come in."

We defeated her together, though I was the brute force of it. I kept her alive not really wanting her to die, and kept her friends alive so that someone could protect her in that child form. I didn't see her for years after that, and had forgotten the hatred and love that was secretly locked inside my heart. Until the kid that Nell had been told to watch by Lord Aizen many years ago appeared and with him was Nell. I used her full name so that she would know, and so I could fool myself, that she didn't matter. However she didn't even know who I was, didn't remember who I was. Though she did when I had thrashed Kurosaki Ichigo around many times; she became herself again. Her eyes looked at me, and in them I read the betrayal and hurt. I hated her, hated her for causing me to love her. My heart screamed with joy and wanted to beg her to love me again. But I wouldn't. We attacked each other and every time I found her eyes all I could think of was the love we made, while my mouth said different. I knew that she could see past it though; she just knew me to well. I couldn't hide anything from her.

It had fallen apart from there, and I spouted about how much I hated her, and was disgusted with her. But as I fell to the ground now I felt regret. I should have said I loved her when I had the chance; I should have taken her back.

It was so weak, but she said my name as I fell to the ground.

"Nnoitra…"

'I love you Nell.'

And then I died.


End file.
